take me to see the beauty of the other world

and i pray for your saving grace

2007-02-27T06:20:00.000-08:00

right now i am filled with fear, and i don't want to close my eyes and sleep.i had a strangely overwhelming feeling that if i do tonight, i might not wake up tomorrow..you might think it's silly or stupid but honestly you cannot imagine that fear.i laid in bed, with my head spinning from more than 48 hours ago and with my heart beating faster than usual and i let tears stream down my face as i stare into the ceiling.i see darkness and i think about how it's going to be like if i just never woke up.i don't want something like that to happen.. i still have so many other things i've yet to even accomplish, to fulfil, to realise, to love.i feel weak. and this time i feel like i have to surrender myself to something. i would surrender myself to anything else but death right this moment.it's 2.39am and i promised daniel that i'd go to bed at 1.it's 2.40am and my bestfriend is sneaking out of her house to come to mine because i feel so alone and she feels so suffocated.i know i'm supposed to wake my dad up so he'd take me to cgh if i still felt unwell but i have so many fears about going to the hospital, about taking the required tests, and most of all i'm just afraid of the outcome.why do things like that even happen? i feel like i'm slowly losing myself and i wish the only person here with me was daniel.i'm going to wake up. i might not even sleep. but i'm going to wake up.i went to church today and i prayed when i felt like that.i need Your healing and Your saving grace.i don't think it's time yet.:( i feel worse than ever.and i feel stupid.clare's here and she made me feel better.

Life's a bore

2006-12-18T18:11:00.000-08:00

today was pretty much emo and fucked up.

&today felt lonelier than before somehow.

i was physically there.. but my mind was just everywhere.
i dont know how much longer im gonna hold out.

what the fuck am i doing lying to myself.
okayokayokay.
someone asked me what my christmas wish is gonna be this year,

and im not sure how im going to answer him.

we do wish for countless things dont we?

but im sure theres always this one ultimate

wish that we hope gets fulfilled,

because that one wish brings us more than just joy or satisfaction.

to me, my ultimate wishes are always non-materialistic

and they never fail to concern the one(s) i love.
this year,i'm wishing that

************************************************

and wishes dont come true if you say it.

but like i said theres always this one ultimate wish

everyone has..

Sing Sing Sing

2006-12-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

ill sing along

the whole day through

just do your best to hear me

thats all you can do
ill sing along

the whole night through

while you sleep safely

ill be thinking about you.
you have my attention.

Get well soon Ryan

2006-11-29T10:17:00.000-08:00

Bring Back Your Special Spark
I hear youre feeling not so well;
Its no fun being sickly.
Please know I care about you,
And hope you get well quickly.
When youre gone, youre sorely missed;
A bit of my world turns dark.
So take good care, recuperate,
And bring back your special spark!

Theres always a light
at the end of any tunnel
a glimmer of sweet hope
deep down right within
theres always sunshine
warming our very soul
and of course recovery
getting well as the goal
thoughts that also ever tell
and i wish you well.

Future

2006-11-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

myself in the future.

because i have big dreams of success.

and i hope i am one.and the time-freezing machine

that possesses the ability to freeze time

as and when i want to.

because in the almost 18 yrs of my already lived life,

i have been through so many magical moments

that i just wish i could keep forever.

the car sales man that will sell me my 1st car for the deemed price.

and nthn more.

my million at 26.

my porsche at 27.

my 10million at 28.

my ferrari at 29.

my swiss bank account at 30.

my yacht at 31.

my jet at 32.

my private island at 33.

my family still happy at 34.

my face in every cover page of the biggest business magazine at 35.

my noble peace prize at 36.

my family for every yr left in my life.

I feel so broken up

And I give up

I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only oneI let go,

theres just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only, my one

His sick sick sick

poor boy yeah

hahhaha anyway

take care

Get well soon

Would you rather...

2006-11-27T14:40:00.000-08:00

gucci/chanel/LV/coach/new digital camera?
..or all?
hahaha.

Dying soon

2006-11-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

i keep getting these headaches nowadays,

i think i'm going to die of a tumor omg help.

Deleted it all

2006-11-20T18:22:00.000-08:00

RYAN RYAN

PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE ME

IM SORRY

WHY CANT YOU BE YOUR USUAL SELF?
WHAT DID I dO?

What a day

2006-11-19T15:27:00.000-08:00

Im sorry to let you down,

but well,since tuesday your not free

its up to you when you wanna meet me

arghhhhhh RYAN CHEER UP.

The funnist chat on earth

2006-11-17T20:13:00.000-08:00

singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
but its true its a coyyrigth offence if you take a person;s pic and used it without permission i a not lying about this
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
you need to seek permission if you want my pic
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
cos i have lawyer friends who have vouced for me
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
that a person can be charged if the pic is used without permission for commercial and without approval
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
if you want i can introduce him to meet you
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
and he will tell you in no uncertain terms that its a copyrigh offence intellectual property
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
even i dont have your pic
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
ally i hope you cooperate in this so as not to complicate things further
`Ally *-`& while you sleep;im falling into you to speak of oneself means to lay bare's one soul says:
orh pls i like u
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
will you agree to meet if you say you like me?
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
if you like my pic you havbe to ask me what will you do with my pic
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
you hae to ask my permission
singaporean1971@singapore.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
i dont have a pic of you to keep

WHAT THE FUCK HELLO?

Huggie huggie

2006-11-16T16:06:00.000-08:00

i need a hug

(and no, nothing's wrong)
the world isnt a perfect place.

it will never be one.

ill do my part. ill try.

An update

2006-11-15T18:25:00.000-08:00

after this, i really gotta start on my assignments!

got tons of stuff to paint by this friday besides

damm econs n human resource tests.

i think it wil be a sleepless week for me

with lots of chips to keep me company.

i think im the only one who detest fridays.

when people are out partying,

im stuck in sch from 10am - 10pm

with chicken rice everyweek as meal. argh.

anyway im hoping that ill lose weight

by christmas with the amount of work ive got.

been wearing black over the weekend

and people been saying that i lose weight

cause the previous time,

i was rollie-pollieeeeeee =(

i love black outfits now. &the illusion it gives.

actually i lost the disgusting 4 kg

and i have to maintain my current weight now.

though i dont see a difference since

my face still as chubby and my arms can wrestle anyone

.so that doesnt really count.

Im just a failure;sigh his ignoring me?

or maybe due to his work?

Am i left in the dark?

2006-11-14T09:11:00.000-08:00

over my head

and you know its not so easy when youre all alone

and i wonder if im alone in your head
-the early november

waited so long for this day,

i prayed, i hoped, i had faith.
& now its finally here, my chance of a lifetime.
and now its time for the guilt trip too.

aww daddy, please spare me.

but thats how its got to beits coming down

to nothing more than apathy

id rather run the other way

than stay and see the smoke

and whos still standing

when it clears.
*

Je Taim

2006-11-13T22:15:00.000-08:00

I go to bed but cannot sleep

My throughts are always with you

How much I love you, love you so true

That all I want in the world is you

I wish you were holding me tight

And you can hold me all through the night

To waken with you in the morning

Is what I’m hoping for

Giving each other everything

Hoping for so much more

Once you’re here I won’t let you go

Because I love you more than you’ll ever know

Love me complepely, thats all I ask of you

Think of me always, in everthing you do

Say we’ll be together, together very soonT

hen we can lie and gaze at the moon

I love you my darling, love you so true

All I want now, is a life with you ...

You are

2006-11-11T14:48:00.000-08:00

Youre the star that shines down on me,
to show me there's something in this world to see.
Youre the cloud that raises me above everyone else,
to make me realize I just need to be myself.
Youre the sun that comes to brighten my day,
when I just wanna fade away.
Youre the moon that sits so elegantly in the sky,
making me wish it could be just you and I.
And I just wish u could see,
You're everything and more to me.

The way you look at me

2006-11-08T15:43:00.000-08:00

then i go back to lying lifelessly as i go back to counting.
seeking solace in my baby kangaroo.call it a case of wednesday blues,
but in under 3 hours wednesday would have come&gone,
laying way for next thursday.which means 7 more days.
i hope you see that i'm trying, & i feel so much better.
which i hope means that you feel better too.
i never wanna lose you.always be my superman.

No one ever saw me like you do
All the things that I could add up to
I never knew just what a smile was worth
But your eyes say everything without a single word
Cause theres something in the way you look at me
Its as if my heart knows youre the missing piece
You made me believe that theres nothing in this world
I cant be Id never know what you see
But theres something in the way you look at me

& now

2006-11-04T17:53:00.000-08:00

i know we all try.
in the moonlight
your face it glows
is it broken?
So here we are now
In a place where
The sun blended
With the ocean thin.
So thin, we stand
Across from each other
Together we'll wonder
If we will last these days
If I asked you to stay W
ould you tell me
You would be mine?
so don't look away.

The lover's eyes

2006-11-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

Look into my eyes,tell me do you see the painits driving me insaneLook into my eyes,cant you see what your're doing to me againsomeone tell me,how did our love ever beganeverytime you hold me in your armsand every love song you have sung things fall nicely into placejust like the smile you bring to my faceyou and i both maybe be a big mismatch in character-wisebut the only thing i can say to you for now isand as you're reaching out for me,i keep falling and falling againyou never seem to hear me when i callall i want is for you to catch me when i fall.However,i still thank Gof abovefor you're like an angel sent for me to loveThey say a picture paints a thousand wordsbut my poem simply say you are my world.

The fantasy of his love

2006-10-31T22:50:00.000-08:00

Id follow you forever,to save you for one day,

Theres nothing that I wouldnt do,no words I wouldn’t say.

Id find you in an instant,if ever you were lost,

Id sacrifice it all to you,whatever be the cost.

Id take away your hurt and pain,if it meant you would be free,

Id walk around the world twice,if it meant my love youd see.

If someone ever hurt you,or maybe even tried,

Id give my all to save you,even if I died.

Just to see you live,Id die a thousand times,

Id cast a thousand angels,Id rhyme a thousand rhymes.

If ever you were sick,Id stay right by your side,

Id pretend I wasnt scared, my tears Id try to hide.

Id push you from a speeding car,Id save you from despair,

Id be your crying shoulder,when no one else would care.

If you ever fell in love,Id be there for you all the way,

Id even be your guard.If and when you need me,

Ill be there right away,Id sacrifice my time for you,

any night or day.To see the pain inside your eyes,

forever end you see,Id chance my life a million times,

for one smile aimed at me.

Im back to emo?

2006-10-30T20:13:00.000-08:00

There's so many things i wish i knew,

i wish i knew why i do the things i do,

i wish i knew why i make the choices that i make

i wish i knew why despite knowing the consequences i still persevere

why i feel so overwhelmed by emotions even thou i hardly have reasons to be

Snap out of it and move on.we all need to let go,

& you need to dig deep to find the perseverence

to be the bigger person.no point living in the shadow

of the person you wish you could be, the happy person you

once used to be.because bearing all this hatred, pain

stakingly recording every injustice ever done to

oneself just causes you to lead a life full of mistrust,

deceit, a life without love.

mistakes were made, hearts were broken,

relationships betrayed.shit happens, and i think

that the most courageous thing anyone can do

is not to sit by and mope about how life

has never been fair to them, but to go against

all the angst&pain to get up and keep moving.

forget the evil schemes, forget the plans of revenge

and pain infliction in that twisted little mind of yours

,because once you finally allow the fog to clear up,

you begin to see that you actually do have life going for you,

that theres so much you have now that has

never been there before.so much you'e been

waiting for.& it's all possible, just hold on the faith&hope

painfully trying to shine through for you.

because even thou people may fail you,

even thou people may not come through for you all the time,

you always have yourself.

so look to the skies and just realise that

its time.to let go,

to forgive

to start anew

to collect all this negetivity thats been haunting you,

& to bury it six feet under.its time.

..........

everytime i look at this picture

im just all smiles about it.

Lovin' melbourne

2006-10-29T17:33:00.000-08:00

Before the day started..

dont ask me why i took this pic

Heading to Chapel Street
Heading into the shopping centre
I forgot this shop name I bought a pair of jeans
My crew are gays?
I only can stare not drink
Oppsie i can eat this yummy
Heading towards crown
A min more..
Here it is...
Reach to the apartment

and im on duty to wash

Halloween day?

2006-10-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

I MISS HIS SMILE:)

& i think to myself,

did you settle for second best?
very gloomy saturday today is.

doesn't help at all that i'm feeling like total crap

& it sucks so bad.

i wish something could make me a little happier,

i wish it'd appear in front of where i am now,

& i wish it were true.
inyourdreams.
***

i realised i have a

....

split personality. . .

(and i am serious)

(and im not the only one who think so)
im scared

I'm goin to hell, who's comin' with me?

somebody, please help ME

i think I have gone crazy.......

As you grow

2006-10-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

Someday

youll be taller than me

but right now

I can hold you

while we sit in my rocking chair

and kiss the top of your head.
Somedayyoull be building a life of your own

and Ill have only a minor part in it

and Ill understand

but right nowI can look into

those brightest of blue eyes

and find that shining smile

with the two teeth.
Someday youll be all grown up

and Ill be so proud of you

but right now

I can take care of you

and love you

and protect you

and know that somedaywill be much sooner

than Ill be ready for.

What kisser am i

2006-10-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

You Are an Intense Kisser

When you kiss, it's deep and powerful
You don't take kissing lightly
Your kisses always have meaning
And they always make your head spin

Something you should know

2006-10-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

I wonder if you wake up at night

Thinking about me like the way I do you.

I think about your smile and how you make me laugh

I appreciate everything that you do

We spend time together, you make me feel good

I told you that you had the right things to say

Baby you are my shining star and

Ill always be your sunshine

Do you think that I want it any other way

We talk everyday and talk every night

We never run out of things to say

I wish you were here, Im playing our song

Being with you always takes me away

I love being around you, I just want you to know

Its like Im higher than a flying kite

cant wait to see you, I have to wait for now

Until then I’m going to saying good-night

Does the world exist

2006-10-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?

Sigh..i wish you were here

Sunset Love

2006-10-22T18:35:00.000-07:00

Let's take a walk along the beach

It's sunny and warm and pleasant outside

The waves are breaking just out of reach

As the shoreline recedes with the rising tide

We stroll hand in hand along the path

A pleasing outing enjoyed by a pair

While bikers and skaters pass by in rath

It's a happy time the two of us share

We watch the seagulls fly overhead

And glance at sailboats gliding on the sea

As the sun sets it turns orange red

It has been a great day, just you and me.

My prince

2006-10-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

My Prince is my love

My love is my life

My life is a precious thing that is irreplaceable

I trust My Prince with my life

My Prince is perfect in my eyes

When I look into his eyes

I see my future My future with my prince

My Prince is my one and only My one true love

True love survives anything

I survive with the love of My Prince

He is the air I breathe, he is part of me

Part of me longs for him when we are apart

When we are apart, I just think of how much

I will love being with him again

When I am with him our hearts beat together

The beat of our hearts make a

song of romance and passion

My Prince romances me in a way of no other

No other could ever measure up to

My Prince He has left an everlasting

imprint on my heart and in my mind

When with him he is all I feel

When away he is all I think

My Prince is mine and mine alone

And he will be forevermore... My Prince.

I hate this again,im gaining weight

again,i guess no more mid supper

and i should exercise more..

Sigh since thursday i have not spoke

to him at night....he always fall

asleep hahaa.

I know

2006-10-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

As I am lying in your arms,
I can feel time stop.
As I look at the clock,
I half expect it to be frozen.
As I listen to you breath,
I feel a peace within.
As you begin to slowly stir,
I snuggle just a little bit closer.
As you hold me just a little bit tighter,
I know that I am safe.
As you groggily whisper 'good morning',
I wish that I could awake like this every day.
As I kiss your neck in response,
I see your sleepy smile.
As we cuddle under the warm covers,
I know that I am in love.

18th november ill be in an Za event with Cally and
yeah we have the sneak preview for the last kiss,
Its ages since i last seen her...

Hand in hand

2006-10-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

In my life you came to...

In my eyes I see you

In my ears I hear you

In my heart I feel you

In my mind I think of you

Late at night I picture you

During the day I watch you

But most of all I love you

Under the stars

With me in your arms

Is how I picture us

8 years from now,

I want to spend my life with you

There is so much we can do,

Walk hand in hand

Barefoot in the sand,

The sunset behind us

Oh what a beautiful view

Just me and you

Hand in hand

At sunset, in the sand

So what if im a bitch

2006-10-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

BITCH JUST READ THIS

Dont stero-type me just cause u think u know me.

im sorry, you dont know me like i know myself.
but, i am very nice when i like you. =)
and for those bitches out there.

NO publicity is BAD publicity.

thanks for bitching abt me.

i'm an attentionwhore! - Love me for that =)
If I'm too complicated, that's the way I want to live

Full stop.....

everynight i tuck myself to bed with a smile on my face

then. . . i start to ponder alot

and the more i think into things

the more i have trouble sleeping.

and the thing is, there's actually nothing much to think about.

but when im all alone stoning and tryin to get some sleep.

it's just natural something emo will pop up.

anything. and i mean anything

i have realised that i cant let myself stone at all when im alone.

think happy thoughts they say.

but no matter how happy i am during the day

the moment i start to stone,

this huge barrier will take control of my happines.

this barrier that makes me all emo.

i just cant help it.

dont get me wrong

im blissfully in love.

im loving every min i spend with him

and i cant ask for more with the attention and love im receiving

he plays alot on his part.

he tries so hard to make and keep me happy all day.

and im thankful.

if only there's this 'delete' button

that we can delete any stuff we want from our lives.

erase any stuff that hurts or affects you.

i know it's impossible but how perfect life will be.

oh no! im startin to be too dependant.

now, this is something new apart from me being emo.

totally unlike Ally. =/

Your drifting away from me

Gaining it again

2006-10-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

every mistake, every wrong turn,

every time I lost my way...

Led me to this.. a moment of bliss..........

Anyway..i put on 2kg and it's making

me disgusted over my fats.

can u believe it? im back to square one!

my mum said my weight gain's obvious

and i dont deny that.

and what's worst.. she brought back

yummy donuts from indo

which taste many times better than dunkin donuts.

and since it's her bday tonight.

we are gonna have a feast.

i miss my worms. im trying to comfort myself that

i'll start to exercise and cut down on my intake of carbs,

and the amt of meals i eat a day.

yes, everyone knws i should

be fatter than i am right now cause of

how much junk i consume.

right now, im aching so much from a fall i had yesterday

that my neck, my back, (my ____) and my crack

hurts so much ahhh..

i got new blueblacks.i need a massage badly. =(

Now Im lying on the table

With everything you said

Keeping in mind the way that it felt

When the most I could do

Was to just blame myself

anyway i hope you dont hate me

but if you do just let me know.

All blurrie

2006-10-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

staring at the com at such near distant

losing my vision.now, without my lenses, i cant see a thing.

It's scaring me.

i hope my eye cells are not dead.

im scared.

i've been so weak lately.

weak, so weak.

where did all my energy go to?

giddy, so giddy.low blood pressure, please go away.

i cant even stay out for long anymore.

everyone knows i was such a happy-go-lucky girl

.always full of energy, never dead

but now,

my enthusiasm level has died.

nothing makes me excited anymore.

i miss being high like i was everyday.

i cant function anymore.

and it's not like im on a diet.

this suck.

everything suck.

great, another emo and dead entry.

emo, so emo

i was never like this.

the old Ally has died.

and this time. .

trust me, im not kidding.

(i wish im exaggerating)

i cant take this any further

i need medication fast!

a strong dosage please!

However my mystery guy is

always there for me....

For that someone special

2006-10-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in solitude
Although you are not here
I long for the beginning
Your smile that draws me near
Feeling closer to your heart
Rushing thoughts of love
Your precious gift of thoughtfulness
Could only come from above
Our minds race together
Towards dreams weve yet to find
Time passes so slowly without you
I cant get you out of my mind
I seem to run out of words
When it comes to describing you
So much joy youve brought to my life
Special delivery from a love so true
All I wish is the world to see
How happy it would be
If for a moment
It could feel just like you and me

2006-10-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking alot lately,
ive been writing alot of letters lately.
& i've come to realise alot.that the things i do,
the emotions i choose to feel,
the words i choose to speak & the actions
i allow myself to execute do not only affect me,
but everyone around me as well.
i've been selfish for the longest time
because i have let myself slip into this victimised mentality,
allowing myself to feel that the whole world owes me a living,
that i needed to keep taking from the one thing
that was trying so hard to keep giving regardlessly.
and i've come to realise that i can choose
the way i want to approach all this,
this mess that i've seemed to have gotten myself entralled in.
all i've been allowing myself to feel lately
is how my heart has been left crippled
while those of those who were involved are able to run free.
but i realise that what we need is time to heal,
time to let love pull us through.
because for once in this whole relationship
i am sure that it's what we have.i went through
quite a whirlwind of emotions again last night,
the great sense of fear suddenly searched
through me and i started questioning the future.
our future, my future, your future.
i have no plans for my own future,
it's funny how i gave it all up so quick and
only realise now that i've gotten myself
into quite a messy situation.
but let's all hope for the best.
Isn't it a mystery?

i love you too you know that.
because you've been nothing but lovely.
thank you for holding onto my hand
this whole time for being there
to hold me during those emo nights
for the warm big hugs as well as when i don't
for the constant reminders that you're here.

I love you

2006-10-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

Thoughts of you creep into my head
Late at night as I lay silently in my bed
I imagine what it'll be like
Meeting you for the first time
Knowing I already like you
Praying you like me too
Hoping we get along fine
I trust in your heart
Do you trust in mine?
Thoughts of you creep into my head
Late at night as I lay silently in my bed